Aiming High

It has been a while since I last updated you all.

I am still living with Jack, I am still surviving in Glasgow (despite what people thought) I am attending university. I am in control of my life again.

For those of you who don't know, in 5th year my health went from bad to worse. I left school and went back in my 6th year. I nearly died a few times, either seizure in bad places like the bath, or blood poisoning.

But despite the odds. I am here.

I was told I would never be the same. I might never be able to take care of myself, I would never make it on my own. I would never get to uni. Basically, I felt useless, weak but above all I felt disappointed in myself.

But, someone told me I was better than that, I was capable of anything. I was more than my conditions.

And so, I started a blog, I went back to school, I went to college. I moved out. I applied to university. And here I am.

Alive. And I control my life again. Why? Because one person had faith.

That faith is priceless. So to you I say "show them what your made of, prove people wrong, but most of all...show you're self."

I have faith in you.

You're Friend
Jordy

Seeing is Believing


As you know I have a history of seizures, NEAD for short, I had them for a long time and would have fits/episodes daily.

How did it fell? I didn't feel a thing, I would go in and out of a fit, I would get split seconds where I would know something was wrong. I forgot where I was, what I was doing...who was with me...everything.

What did I know? Nothing. When in a episode I was just trying to gain control. This could last for minute's, or hours.  Going in and out of a seizure. I would not know if I was safe, or when it would stop.

I was often told how awful it was to see me go through it, how painful, and shocking it is. However I never knew because when it was over I wouldn't remember...I couldn't. I would know minutes before, sometimes seconds then it was a blur.

Today, I watched my sisters dogs, Dudley suffer what I had to. The look on his face, his inability to move, or stop what was happening.

Tell me, if a seizure is bad for a logical thinking person, what must it be like for an animal?

Of course after it was over he got up and started playing with the other two again, like it never happened...

I wish I could forget like that...but I can't. He can however when it happens he has no idea why. I now understand why people would cry after seeing me.

It is only through control, and hard work I am able to keep mine from happening for now...I wonder, can a dog learn to control it?

I don't know. I doubt it, though it would be nice. I do know I never want to see a animal that scared again.

Up to Date

So, this week I have been at home taking care of things while my mother has been have an operation. 50/50 chance of it working. 50/50 chance of it killing her.

She put of the operation while I was "ill". She put her health last to work so we could keep out house. She put her health last over everything. Not only out of fear for something going wrong, but for her family.

She is an inspiration.
Selfless.

What is it to be selfless? to me it means putting others before yourself. It means sacrifice. When someone is selfless it shows they love them.

My mother had her operation. Now we wait two weeks to see if it will fix it, kill her, or if she needs to go back on the operating table.

My health. It seems that when you fix one thing, or gain control another thing goes wrong or pops up out of the blue.

My question. Is it even possible to be 100% healthy?

Your Friend
Jordy

A late New Year

Sorry I haven't been keeping up to date, college and work, and balancing life is rather hard. 

I am now writing this as I have made the time. 

2017. It has the potential to go far, to take me where I want to go. However it also has the potential to stop me.
I have been thinking a lot about where I want to be, in life. What I want to be remembered for. So with that is mind , I don't want to be sad, depressed or even remember as "that girl in the corner".

I have dreams. Ambitions and places I want to go in my life, however long it may be.

I know I am not smart, like my sister Bethany. I am not beautiful like my sister Abbie. I am not as strong as my sister Alex. I am not as resilient as my parents and I am not as caring as my brother Logan.

I am me. Who ever that might be.

That's the trouble, I know I am me, but I don't know what that means really. I am 19 so I imagine that is normal, not knowing who you are really...

I am good at art, writing, and that is basically it. I have tried to find where I fit, I found it last year with my friends. I love seeing them at home. But in terms of what I want to do, I tried everything: radio, painting, newspaper, tv and technology.

I only fell in love with two, technology and my writing. Thus it would be logical to be a journalist?

I love the idea however I am worried about making the wrong choice?

My question, how do you know?

Your Friend
Jordy